2018: A YEAR IN REVIEW
A year ago, I was sat in the same spot writing my 2017 year in review in a stable relationship with great friends and extremely good mental health. A year on, I have none of those things, (except my friends are still great, I love you all). I guess this is why it has taken me almost two weeks to write this post, purely because I am nervous to look back on what was one of the worst years of my life. A month ago, I would not have even considered writing this, but, I am pleased to say that 2018 did have a happy ending. I am now in one of the best places mentally that I have been in a long time, and I can only thank my best friends for that. I would not even be alive writing this if it wasn’t for them. So, here goes.
JANUARY
I entered the new year with my best friend and my then boyfriend, fuelled with arguments and toxicity, but I still had a really good night. My best friend, Olivia Dullek, managed to be my new year’s kiss for three years in a row, so that was definitely something to celebrate!
After having a revision-filled Christmas, I celebrated finishing my exams with my friends from university and was excited to have a break before semester two began.
January was also the month that I celebrated my year anniversary with my ex-boyfriend. And, that was the only anniversary we would celebrate.
My sister also came to visit me this month, which was a really nice surprise. We went to Wagamamas and ate loads of nice food before she travelled back to Liverpool.
It was also her birthday at the end of January, so I came home, celebrated with my family, and died my hair pink again. (Side note, dying your hair a wild colour is not a replacement for a therapist).
FEBRUARY
My best friend Liv had a Valentine’s party in Liverpool, so I went to visit her for that. It was SO good to see her, as we barely got to see each other at university last year. We both had boyfriends and were drowning in uni work, so any time together was special. One of my new year’s resolutions is to make more time for my best friend, as I genuinely wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for her.
I didn’t actually celebrate Valentine’s last year. I think being long distance meant we couldn’t see each other. I did however go to V Rev’s in Manchester the week after, which I had been dying to try for months and months, so I was sooooo excited when I finally got the opportunity to go. I can confirm it is definitely worth the hype, and you should all make the trip there to try it.
MARCH
In March, I had many deadlines, so I wasn’t really living my best life. I did go on a few nights out with university friends, (pictures below), but March was a pretty quiet month for me.
I did go back home over Easter, and was reunited with my best friends from home, which is ALWAYS nice.
My best friend also had a really bad month in March, so my main focus was making sure she was okay. I have definitely learnt a lot from her this year, and I am thankful we both have each other in times of need.
APRIL
April was a pretty cool month for me. I got my first brand deal in April and was sent some really nice pancake mixes from Wolf&Scott. This was such a big deal for me, as I only ever started emeatsvegan as a hobby, and to turn it into a business has been amazing. A year on and I have now worked with numerous brands and it is definitely something I am really proud of.
I also went to Belgrave’s Vegan Feast with my two best friends and housemates. It was DIVINE. I wrote a whole blog post reviewing the day, which you can read here. Belgrave actually reposted my photos on to their Instagram, which I thought was really cool.
I ate so much good food that day. My friend and I always say that no burger compares to the burgers we had from Patty Smith’s. We frequently say we can still taste how good it was.
April was also the month that my dog began to get really sick. He started to throw up after every meal and was losing weight rapidly. This was really hard for me and my family, as he had always been such a happy creature. Seeing him in pain was heart breaking.
MAY
Seeing as I had finished my second year at university and was just waiting to sit my exams, I went home for a couple of weeks. These weeks were spent mostly revising, but I did get to catch up with some of my friends.
Liv and I both finished our exams and went home for a while whilst I waited for my housemates to finish, so we could all celebrate together.
Me and Liv had such a fun day together celebrating finishing second year. Lots of cocktails were consumed and a lot of money was spent, but it was definitely worth it. This was one of my favourite days of the year.
Samson, my dog, was still poorly, and I was just hoping he was going to make a miraculous recovery soon. I spent many sleepless nights worried about what I was going to do if he left me.
At the end of the month, I went back up to Leeds, to celebrate the end of year with my housemates who FINALLY finished their exams. Liv also came up to join us and we had such a fun day and night. We went to a roof top party in the day and ended up in Canal Mills that night.
JUNE
Everyone in our uni house had gone home, leaving me, Sophie and Jem to say bye to Leeds one last time. They were both heading off to the Netherlands to do their year abroad in August, so this was really emotional for all of us.
This was the day that we all discovered Temple Coffee and Donuts, which is now my favourite place to go in Leeds. All of their donuts are vegan and their coffee is incredible. The staff there are also lovely, and the atmosphere is really nice. It is just a lovely place to chill with friends.
We also went to Belgrave for one last time together and had a look around town before heading home and packing. Once we were packed we put on a film, drank a bottle of wine and said bye.
June was also the month I got a job, which was meant to be for my year in industry. I was really excited about it; however, this did not end up working out. I still had fun at the interview though, and I managed to try Wagamama’s vegatsu! So, that definitely made up for it.
Mid way through June, me and my ex-boyfriend decided to call it a day. We had a terribly messy break up and it was definitely one of the worst times of my life, but I have now come out of it a lot stronger and feel like I can tackle ANYTHING. Note to self: please do not get a boyfriend in 2019, you are so much better off alone.
I was obviously having a terrible time, so I went to visit my sister and my best friend Liv in Liverpool and they definitely helped cheer me up.
I also got to try the vegan menu at The Florist and I can say I definitely approve! I did write a blog post on this, but for some reason, I never hit publish. Maybe I should get on that.
After Liverpool, I was back in Shrewsbury for summer. Me and Liv drove back together and had a party that night, which was a lot of fun.
JULY
July stands out as a really bad time for me. This was the month that my baby Samson was considerably worse. It was honestly the hardest thing to watch, as he could not even stand up by himself anymore. I felt sick with worry every day and was definitely not enjoying my summer.
I did, however, visit Madrid with my sister that month. I wrote a whole blog post about Madrid, which you can read here.
July was also the month that I got let go from the job I was offered. This meant I was now not enrolled in university for third year, did not have a house in Leeds, and did not have a backup plan. You can imagine I was having a bit of a bad time.
I was also still going through a really really messy break up, so this definitely did not help.
I really did not know whether to include this in my blog post and I think this is the reason that I was so nervous to write this. It was playing on my mind as to whether I should be honest or not, but I think it’s important to talk about and even for myself to look back on and think, wow, I am in a much better place now!
July was the month I attempted to take my own life by taking a bunch of random pills from my mum’s cabinet and hoping I would never wake up. It didn’t work, I realised what I was doing, ran to my best friend Liv, who told me to make myself sick and I threw up in my toilet. It was then that I realised I definitely did not want my life to end, I just wanted the life I was living right now to end. I didn’t die (luckily), but I did wake up with a bad head ache and stomach cramps. Was it worth it? Absolutely not. But, I am glad I did it because I can safely say that I hope I would never put myself through that again. I am SO much better than that.
AUGUST
Only my closest friends knew about my attempted suicide, mainly because I was embarrassed that I ever did that to myself. So, I had to put on a brave face and tackle life again. Surprisingly, life does not stop when you attempt to take your own life.
One of my best friends Katie, turned 20 this month, so we all went out to celebrate. I was nervous, as I didn’t think alcohol was a good idea for me, considering my mental state. However, I managed to have a really good night with everyone and it definitely took my mind off my crippling depression.
August was also the month I went to Boomtown with Liv and Nath. Again, more alcohol to suppress my emotions! Surprisingly, Boomtown turned out to be one of the best weekends of my life, and I have vowed to myself that I will be going every year from now on.
I struggled quite a bit after Boomtown. I realised that life had been moving really fast and something new was cropping up every single day. I did not have much time to process what I was going through, and I definitely crashed when I got home. I knew I should cut down on drinking, but it was also a really great distraction from my mental illness, so I ended up feeling really stuck. I quite enjoyed the day after drinking, as all I had to focus on was a hangover. It kept me busy, but it certainly was not healthy.
I started to do things that did not involve drink, (or not MUCH drink), like going for walks with Liv and her dog, (Samson was still really sick), and going for lunch with my mum. I finally got to try The Olive Tree in Shrewsbury, and it was amazing. It is now one of my favourite restaurants back home.
My two best friends and ex-housemates from uni both moved to the Netherlands in August. I did not manage to see any of them over summer, due to our busy schedules. So, it was really hard knowing they would be so far from me. They both helped me through SO much in 2018 and I was really nervous for them about moving away. I knew they would both smash it though, and I was definitely excited to go and visit them.
SEPTEMBER
After months of feeling like my mental illness was controlling me, rather than me controlling it, I decided I needed to put my focus in to something else. I needed to have a hobby that motivated me to get out of bed in the morning. This is when I submitted my first proposal to The Tab, an online publication for students. Turns out, I am actually not a bad writer and they loved my pitch. I wrote my first article entitled “I wore Kanye West’s super small slides for a day, and this is what happened”.
The article did really well, and it was even featured on their national page. It felt so good being praised for something that I really enjoyed doing and for once in a really long time, I was feeling productive.
I still write for The Tab, although not as much as I want to due to uni work, but I find it helps me put my focus in to something when I feel like I am out of control.
September was the month that we put my baby Samson down. 11 years of pure love and the best friend I have ever had. It was definitely the best thing for him, but boy did it hurt. I was feeling defeated as it seemed like as soon as something went right in my life, something else came crashing down. I was really concerned about my mental state at this point.
The rest of September and the coming months were fuelled with grief and heart ache. I had never known anything like it, and I found myself spiralling out of control again. My best friend lived in a different city, so I was finding it hard being alone and dealing with my own demons. There isn’t really a happy ending to that chapter of my life. I still think about him every day and miss him more than I could have ever imagined, but I have definitely learnt how to deal with my emotions better. I still cry every time someone mentions his name, or a memory of him. I loved him so much and I am happy that he is no longer in pain. Rest in peace my beautiful baby Samson, the best dog in the whole world.
I decided to bite the bullet and enrol back in to university in September. I tried hard to make the year in industry work, but it just was not for me. I found a house with some girls, (who are now my bestest friends and I absolutely love them, every cloud), and was moving in within the week.
At the end of September, I moved in with my new housemates and I absolutely LOVED them. I was so nervous, but they turned out amazing and I was starting to feel really positive again. Goodbye depression! I was of course, still dealing with the death of my baby, and was so worried about leaving my mum by herself, (my dad works away), but, I did it and I was feeling good.
After meeting my new housemates, we all went out for the night. We had a really fun night, until we came home and realised our locks had been drilled through and our house had been burgled. Seriously does the world just FUCKING HATE ME?
I came off really lucky, having only had my make-up stolen, whereas my housemates had their laptops, money and lots of expensive perfume taken. You could say it was a good bonding experience I guess.
After the break in I thought that I was in desperate need of a break and some love from my two best friends in the Netherlands. So, I hopped on a flight to Amsterdam and finally, after 4 months, we were reunited. I realise I haven’t written much about Sophie and Jem, but I can honestly say they are the BEST and have really got me through this year. I am so grateful for both of them.
It was so nice to be with them and it felt like home again. I wrote a whole blog post about my travels, which you can read here.
Most of October was spent settling in to my new home and trying to deal with the past few months. I did manage to celebrate Halloween, (twice), with very low effort and minimal costumes. I was going through a rough time, okay?
NOVEMBER
After Halloween, Liv and Nath came to visit me and Katie, (who also lives in Leeds). This was SO much fun and we had a really good - albeit messy - night. I hadn’t seen them both since August, so it was lovely to catch up with them. I realised when I was around my really good friends, I was extremely happy. More of this in 2019 please!!
I also went to visit my sister in Liverpool in November. My parents met me there and we went to watch George Ezra who was AMAZING, and I think I’m a little bit in love with him.
Sophie (from Amsterdam) booked a last-minute trip to Leeds in the middle of November. We had a great weekend together. It was extremely eventful, resulting in her spraining her ankle and walking around on crutches, but it was so much fun.
And, of course, we took a trip to Temple together. Just like old times.
I also introduced my housemates to Temple and they finally understood why I would not stop talking about it. Temple, if you are reading this, I should definitely be marketing for you guys.
I was feeling okay in November. I had settled in to my new home and I had lots of things going on, such as uni work, writing for The Tab, and seeing lots of friends. I felt good and distracted. It is so hard to pin point when I started to feel better and more like myself again. When you are sad everything kind of jumbles in to one. However, looking back, I think November was the month I was finally beginning to get better.
DECEMBER
December was a REALLY good month for me. I always love December because most of my friends turn 21 (including me) this month and also, I just love Christmas and New Year.
Before leaving Leeds to go home for Christmas, I had one final night out with my house and then packed up and was in a car on the way to Shrewsbury. I was greeted home to my parents, and after not being home for a couple of months, it was so nice to be back.
My friends arrived a few days after me and we went straight to the pub to celebrate our reunion. Nath happened to turn 21 at midnight, so we all stayed out to celebrate his birthday. It was so good to be around all my friends.
After Nath’s birthday, it was Liv’s birthday. Me, Liv, Nath and Otto drove up to Liverpool to celebrate her turning 21. This was one of my favourite nights of the year. The family were back together, all under one roof celebrating Liv’s 21st. It was such a funny night and one I will remember for a long time.
The night after we had ANOTHER 21st to go to. So, hungover and tired, we drove back to Shrewsbury, put on a brave face, and made it out.
Christmas came around so quickly this year. It was a little difficult, with it being the first Christmas without Samson, but I bought a bauble in the shape of a Labrador to hang on our tree, so at least he was part of our day.
I had a lovely Christmas day with my family and I even managed to see my friends at night. Me and Liv went to Nath’s auntie’s house and played games and drank spiced rum. It was a lovely night.
After Christmas was Boxing day. My family and I were flying out to Prague for my birthday, which was on the 28th. I am going to do a whole blog post about Prague and how I ate vegan there, but for now, here are some pictures.
I had the best 21stcelebrating with my family. I have never been away for my birthday before, so this was definitely a nice treat.
After landing home on 29th, I went straight out to see my friends for one last drink. They were all going back to uni pretty soon after the new year, so this was my last chance to see everyone.
Now that Christmas was out of the way, it was time to celebrate the new year. I went to Liverpool with Sophie and Jem, where we also met Liv and Nath out too. I had such a fun new year’s. I normally spend it in my home town, but I managed to have a really good night out in a city with everyone I loved.
And that brings us to now. This was honestly really difficult to write, and I am still questioning whether I should edit parts out or even publish this. So, if you are reading this, well done me!
Writing this has brought up a lot of emotions, but it has also reminded me that I did have some good times this year. I can truly say I am not the person I was at the beginning of 2018, and I am so thankful for that. I am now strong, independent, and most importantly I am happy. If I can get through 2018, I can get through anything.
Special thanks to the most amazing people in my life (Liv, Nath, Otto, Katie, Sophie, Jem) for teaching me I really do have a lot to live for. And finally, FUCK 2018.
Let’s hope 2019 is kinder to me,
Emma xxx
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